How do we find meaning in the things we do? What does ‘meaning’ even mean? For most people, a sense of purpose is often correlated with a job well done; a ‘puff out-your chest-moment, whether it be getting praise for something at work, or finally finishing that DIY Decking at home. Those who could see that they had fulfilled their potential, or who found their work productive, interesting and altogether engaging tended to observe their work as more meaningful than others. But with that being said, will those things ever be enough?
No matter how fulfilled you already feel, here are a few ways with which I believe anyone better optimize for a meaningful life.
Keep it Personal
Humans love context. We feast on context. You and I can both feel strongly about a subject; I might love it, you might hate it. It’s all about opinions – i.e. your subjective experience.
So when it comes to your definition of meaning, keep it personal. No one should be able to take a sum of their life achievements/future goals and perfectly align that everyone else’s achievements and goals. It’s too subjective.
When it comes to what other people may find meaningful, we can only hazard a guess. You may think that an orphan who one day goes on to win an Oscar finds his or her golden trinket to be the most meaningful part of that night; when all they can really think about is their foster parents sitting in the very front row, cheering louder than anyone else in the theatre.
As a society, we have designated some conventional metrics to ‘measure up’ against; the hallmarks of success, if you will. But the real celebration does not arrive upon hitting the next public milestone. More often than not, the most meaningful thing we have done in our lives might not even make someone else’s top 10. that’s the point. Keep it personal.
Look Back
Meaningfulness is rarely experienced in the moment. That’s why whole experiences can literally take on a unique form when we look back through the hazy lens of our remembering self. In psychological terms, this is known as hindsight bias. But we can actually use this to our advantage when it comes to our little search for meaning.
If we take the time to reflect on what we have done, we can usually find new patterns that we never noticed before, in places we never even thought to look.
Keep a record of your time. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, like a journal or diary. you don’t need to be religious about writing every day. Hell, you don’t even need to incorporate any sort of structure; this isn’t an English essay. By simply jotting down thoughts and ideas as they form in our minds, we can think clearer and know ourselves better. We can externalise our neocortical chitchat, and never forget something we’d rather hold on to. As David Allen wrote, “Our brain is for having ideas, not storing them”. Pour a little bit of yourself into each line, and that page will start dripping with untapped purpose.
Visit places that you associate strongly with. A stroll through your old town can bring back strong memories. You may pass what unassuming eye would dismiss as an ordinary cliff, but you’ll remember it as the place you taught your best friend to overcome his fear of heights. Old ledge, new value.
The best part is we don’t even have to schedule a time for such pensive thought. Whenever we find our mind starts to wander let it wander. Just nudge it slightly so it ends up wandering backwards.
You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards
-Steve Jobs
Meaning ≠ Happiness
There is a serious misconception I want to iron out here:
Happiness DOES NOT imply purpose, purpose DOES NOT imply happiness.
On the contrary, individuals report that to be full of meaning at moments associated with mixed, uncomfortable, or even painful thoughts and feelings, as opposed to the candyfloss clouds we are hardwired to search for.
This folly in judgement can be somewhat attributed to the emerging trend of sickeningly optimistic, often delusional self-help literature that is plaguing our markets and expanding the fog over our better judgement. A superfluous emphasis on positive psychology has left managers more intent on trying to make employees happy, engaged, and enthused throughout the working day, and not enough on making them feel valued, especially after hours.
Psychologist Barbara Held refers to this as the “tyranny of the positive attitude.” I like to call it the ‘fake happy-face epidemic’. It is a human custom to link meaningfulness with such positive attributes. It’s about time we nip such customs in the bud, as they’re only adding to our detriment.
Meaningfulness should not always make us smile. In fact, people who seem to recognise their purpose are touched by emotions far more intricate than if they had just achieved something to make them feel motivated, engaged, or happy. Purpose and meaning are related to what was once known in Ancient Greece as eudaimonia – prosperity and ‘flourishing’. This is vastly different from, sometimes even antithetical to, happiness (hedonic well-being). The former constitutes a profound, enduring state, while the latter is a shallow and altogether fleeting experience to be had.
You might be hard at work, or even hard at home being a parent or carer. Your daily routine might not be the most, pleasing or satisfying. There will be doubts and potholes every step of the way. But if at the end of the day, you’ve accomplished whatever it was you needed to do, the boundless feeling of satisfaction will be undeniable; you will have prospered because of it. And that becomes a far richer way of spending your time.
A junior doctor works in a demanding (but ultimately rewarding) environment. A taxing shift might precipitate unease, downright discomfort, and even tears, but simply ploughing through can induce a flood of eudaimonia far stronger than the drizzle they would have received serving in a more casual, stress-free atmosphere.
Self-worth Comes in Episodes
If we had the chance to interview some of the most influential people in history – think individuals along the line of Marco Polo to Madame Curie – do you think they would claim to have made every single moment count? Would they have agreed that their work was always focused, always relevant and, most of all, always meaningful? We should note that even the hardest-working people in the room go through times where they feel their efforts aren’t enough if you told 17 year Bill Gates that he would precipitate a technological revolution someday, would he have believed you? Egocentric quirks notwithstanding, feeling esteemed is not something we can sustain indefinitely. it comes and goes, in hot, sharp spikes.
Our brains do not have a perfect video capture system for the past. We associate encounters, mix and match knowledge with discovery. Some of our most potent memories come in episodes. The experiencing of purpose is packaged up in a similar fashion.
Meaningful moments seldom encapsulate one single working day, let alone a longer period, but rather come and go over one’s life, perhaps rarely arising. Hence, we cannot devote every waking hour to finding meaning, but we can relate to short, frantic bursts where we feel valued. Be cognizant that meaningful work is intertwined with strong experiences, and has a time and place for burning bright.
A dancer who has been practising their steps, week in week out for a grand performance is not expected to see the bigger picture all the time. Most days they will focus more on simply turning up, not falling in love with their routine. And that’s perfectly normal. Oftentimes it won’t be till they get up on that stage and deliver a stellar performance that they realise: “Wow, I’m really up here. I’m really doing this. This really means something.”
It’s that feeling; the sensation of being on top of the world, that will stick. Our brain will bake in the extra emotion, trim the fat ruthlessly and leave us with a highly polished episode; one that becomes a valuable part of our life narrative – an affirmation of what we’re really worth.
Our Actions > Us
People take their personal input to be of value when it matters to others more than to themselves – when the art ‘transcends’ the artist. Unknown to many, Abraham Maslow actually valued self-transcendence over self-actualization in his hierarchy of needs. It rightfully belongs at the top of the pyramid.
People did not just talk about themselves when they talked about meaningful work; they talked about the impact or relevance their work had for other individuals, groups, or the wider environment.
When people see their contributions diffuse into the world around them, it leaves them with a deeper level of satisfaction; if the things they do impact others, it suddenly becomes that much more important. When students graduate a class with solid grades, the teacher feels their work has paid off; When a charity worker sees, firsthand, the positive impacts their organisation is making, they feel immense just for being an intrinsic part of it all. Whenever we have the opportunity to improve more lives than our own, we seize that chance. Why?
Because it grants us a purpose. Do these 5 things, and you will get a lot closer to that elusive spirit of ‘meaning’
Further Information:
(Article) A Better Word than Happiness: Eudaimonia – The School of Life
(Article) What Makes Work Meaningful — Or Meaningless: MIT Sloan